omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
