The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
