I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just gargled with NyQuil
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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