we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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