I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
