Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
