Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
