We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im part way to drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
