everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
