i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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