i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and she was petting her beer can
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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