she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
