There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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