She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
