So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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