He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
