If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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