sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
