I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I love you.
Bad choice
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