How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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