You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
