The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
