I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
