How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
