The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
