U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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