Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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