did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
