At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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