Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
