So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
