I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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