For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have fence marks all over my body
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
