Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
