Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
