Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
