im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
