the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
