I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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