i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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