suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
