trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
