in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to sanitize my soul.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
