Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
