So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
