You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
