My sheets look like a crime scene.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
