Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
