Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
