i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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