i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
