sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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