worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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